Next time you slap on that smile and say hello because you’re scared someone won’t like you, stop right there. What are you doing? That’s not kindness; that’s manipulation. You’re not smiling to spread joy—you’re doing it to get something for yourself: validation, approval, some sense that you’re a decent human being because you’re too damn scared of what they might think if you don’t. Take a moment to digest this fully because it’s really important: You’re actually being selfish as fuck.
If all you’ve got to give is anxiety, insecurity, and fear, then don’t give it. Don’t force yourself into interactions because you think you’re supposed to. Don’t push yourself to engage when you’re empty inside just to prove you’re a “good person.” Faking connection doesn’t make you good—it makes you a liar.
You can’t force yourself to care about people. If you don’t care, you don’t care, and there’s nothing you can do about it. And that’s okay. There’s no point in pretending. You can’t fake your way into feeling compassion, and trying to will only drain you further. The only thing you can do is give yourself space—step back, disengage, and focus on caring for yourself. That’s not selfish; it’s fucking essential. You need to fill your own damn cup first, because until you do, you’ve got nothing real to offer anyone else.
Faking connection doesn’t make you good—it makes you a liar.
And if you’re feeling fear and anxiety, then you don’t even need to ask yourself if you care about the other person or people. You don’t give a fuck about them. Social fear is the opposite of love and care. So if you’re feeling social anxiety, if you’re feeling the need for others’ approval, then that’s an immediate signal that you need to stop right now and take time and space for yourself. Stop interacting. Stop smiling. Stop talking. Take back your space. Focus on yourself. This isn’t selfish; it’s survival. It’s what allows you to eventually care for others in a way that’s real and meaningful.
Stop trying to interact with people out of fear or anxiety. Don’t push yourself into situations where you’re performing a version of yourself that doesn’t even exist right now. Take that time and energy and pour it back into yourself. Figure out what you need to feel whole, and give yourself permission to take it, without guilt. Because when you finally feel full, caring for others won’t be something you have to force—it’ll come naturally.
If you feel like you’ve got nothing to offer, then it’s time to turn inward. What do you need right now? If you’re drained, anxious, and disconnected, then the last thing you should be doing is pretending to be something you’re not for other people’s sake. Focus on you. Give yourself the space to heal, to feel, to figure out what the fuck is going on inside. You don’t owe anyone a smile. You don’t owe them your presence. And you sure as hell don’t owe them the energy you don’t even have for yourself.
And guess what happens when you finally start giving to yourself? You’ll have something real to give to others. Your presence won’t be a performance anymore; it’ll be genuine. But you can’t get there if you keep forcing these fake interactions. Cut the shit. Quit the approval-seeking. If you’re gonna say hello, say it because you mean it, not because you’re scared.
If you’re gonna say hello, say it because you mean it, not because you’re scared.
This whole twisted idea that being nice equals being good is bullshit. Being good means being real, being honest, and sometimes being absent because you know that’s what’s right for you. It’s about knowing your limits, respecting them, and not pouring from an empty cup. If that means stepping back, being quiet, or saying, “I’ve got nothing to give right now,” then so be it.
So here’s the challenge: the next time you catch yourself about to force a smile or a conversation out of fear, don’t. Just don’t. Sit with that discomfort. Let it fucking burn if it has to. But don’t betray yourself by giving what you don’t have. Focus on filling your own damn cup. And when it overflows, then you can give. Then you can smile, talk, engage—whatever. But it’ll be real, and people can feel that. They can tell when it’s genuine and when it’s not.
It’s time to take back self-care and self-love from all this approval-seeking bullshit. You don’t owe anyone your anxiety. You don’t owe them your fake smiles. Give yourself the love and care you’ve been denying because you thought being “nice” was more important. It’s not. The world needs your realness, not your performance.
If you’re empty, get full. If you’re tired, rest. If you’re lost, explore. Whatever you do, stop sacrificing your own well-being for the sake of appearances. You’re not doing anyone any favors by showing up half-heartedly, pretending to care when you don’t. Respect yourself enough to step back and rebuild.
So the next time you smile for the sake of approval, for fuck’s sake: stop being selfish and love yourself.